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Posted by
abraxas
859 days ago
(Editorial)
Category: Positive Teachings |
The Issue of Intimacy
Posted by
abraxas
859 days ago
(Editorial)
Category: Positive Teachings |
A Separate Life--
It is an obvious point for criticism that we are living, increasingly, in isolation: chatting on a cell phone instead of speaking to the person next to us, even looking in their eyes; having more conveniences that are supposedly built to save us time while there seems to be less time than ever before to relax and enjoy our lives; more people living in close proximity while not ever knowing our next-door neighbors.
Most people, I believe, recognize a problem in this, an essential something that is missing from our ever-growing society. Most people, it seems, have an idea of what is causing the problem: have you seen the bumper stickers that ask you to not talk on your phone and drive? You will likely hear a wide variety of reasons to our problem and probably agree with some of them. Usually, however, these reasons address only a particular behavior we witness, rather than the core issue. It is the core issue that, when left unrecognized, will continue to bubble up as the problems we face.
The Core Issue: Pain--
Recognizing the core issue can be difficult. For example, if Joe Shmo hits his friend out of rage, he may recognize (along with his friend) that his rage is a problem. It is, certainly, but stopping the rage won’t address the core issue. The core issue is what is in Joe that allows him to behave in this way. The core issue is likely to be a long-time unresolved feeling of fear or sadness. It can be explained in great detail along with the dramatic story from his childhood, all that will illustrate a complex situation that inadvertently misses the whole point of addressing the core issue, because getting into the story perpetuates the pain on a new level. This is not only un-necessary, but in-effective.
The core issue is simply sadness or fear, or even more simply, Pain. The core issue is the entity of Pain living within, expressing itself, every now and then, through us. This has been appropriately labeled by Eckhart Tolle as the “Pain Body” (read Power of Now or The New Earth, both by Eckhart Tolle.
Intimacy--
We experience Pain and, in one way or another, hide from it (or, in a way, it hides from us to prolong it’s life). The pain is recognized more easily when we live in constant intimacy. Most of us enjoy intimate relationships with a select few, but upon reflection of the vast amount of lucrative relationship-counseling careers, it may be concluded that most of us are not in fact very successful at intimate relationships. In fact, it seems that most of us have no idea of what intimacy really is.
The closest many get to intimacy is sex. For others, it is watching strangers on television. Many men shy away from it or accept a weekly poker night with buddies as a version of it, though it won’t likely be called intimacy, male-bonding at best. Many women expressly desire intimacy, however what they are actually asking for is something that only appears intimate; they are typically looking for behaviors of kinship, familiarity, or more accurately a sense of security. These, from men and women, are not bad, they are not wrong. And, they are not true examples of intimacy.
True Intimacy--
Intimacy begins in the individual. It can not be expressed or found with others if it is not first recognized in one’s self. To be intimate means that you are in a state of awakening to your core, to your essence. You can not know true intimacy if you are wrapped up in your identity, your ego. To be wrapped up in your identity means that you must first remind yourself that you are this one person who thinks this one way before you interact with the world. This happens for most people throughout their day, without ever realizing it.
You probably have experienced moments of bliss or awe or complete innocence, where there was no thought in your mind, only experience. In moments such as these, there is the potential of intimacy. This is why so many people accept sex as intimacy. There is a moment that it happens, but it is preceded and followed by a tainted filter of identity. An artist may experience it in moments of creation, but then loses it again while believe in his or her identity as an artist. A mother will experience it in moments of nurturing, but will lose it again in the overwhelming identity of being a mother. An athlete or a musician will experience it in moments of flow or harmony, but will lose it again in their identities.
Identity--
Knowing these moments of awe allow you a preview of your potential intimate life. To go much deeper though, there must be a recognition of the Pain that lives in you, the core issue of problems that arise day to day. Recognizing this basic Pain, you will see that your hurts, your offenses, your sadness or anger, your irritations, frustrations, injustices, your emotional wounds are not you. Your Pain is not you. It is there and you experience it, but it is not you, it is constantly weaved into your identity, but your identity is only a mask, it is your person. Person is a word that comes into the English language from the Etruscan word phersu meaning Mask. Your identity is a sort of shell that is used to interact with other identities. At the core, you are a child of God, or an expression of the Universe or Totality.
The identity is very useful, but when you are believing in it as your true self, then you are subject to the horror of it’s impermanence. The identity dies. You do not. Your spirit soars and your identity is bound to the material form. Considering the identity of a mother, what happens to the mother when the children grow up? Or the identity of a runner who then loses his legs. The identity is impermanent. It suffers age. It is no wonder that in western culture, we abhor age and especially death. As said by Abraham through Esther Hicks, we give death to those we hate. And we hide age away in special home centers and call the people the elderly or senior citizens, so not to face the fact that we too are always getting older. The identity is controlling society, and then society takes on an identity of it’s own whereas most of the individuals go along with it. Awakening to your essence, you realize the façade of the identity. Awakening to identity and the Pain that often fuels it, you realize true intimacy.
Stillness--
Upon this recognition or revelation it is much easier to see Pain as an attachment and one that is not necessary, that is actually quite disruptive to a purposeful, rich, intimate life. Consider how you see yourself, how you accept yourself. Consider what is your identity. Consider the Pain you experience whenever your emotions are upset. As more people awaken to their essence, there will be greater intimacy in our society. We will not be bothered with chatting on the cell phone, because chatting on the cell phone is not the problem. We will be, and increasingly we are, experiencing real intimacy in day-to-day life.
We don’t need more therapy. We don’t need more “intentional communities”. We don’t need another Self-Help book. These things may be enjoyable, but they are not needed. We only need to be still and recognize our essence, our connection to all that is. Nurture stillness, in every possible moment. Practice it in convenient times and use it in the difficult times. Feel your breathing and your feet on the ground and the air upon your skin. Experience the moment you are in, and choose freely your response to life, instead of blindly reacting from the Pain within like a mere puppet.
“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin…” -Matthew 5:28. You are a moment of creation, an expression of God and of Love. The next time you are upset for whatever reason at all, embrace the stillness deep within and trust in the impermanence of your identity, so that you can express the profound intimacy of your essence.
--Matt Abraxas
Thursday morning, May Day, Snow Storm outside
www.MattAbraxas.com
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Comments
So, are you saying that what we really need is to get in touch with ourselves if we ever hope to get in touch with others?
good one
Intimacy is a big issue that is not much understood. I agree with your saying.
Well said. I've been reading "The New Earth" and I can read your inspiration in this.